Dear God,

'Where is this long and winding path leading me to?
I wish there was hope, I wish I could at least feel that feeling of hope.
I can't do this on my own, I simply can't. Am only 18, am still learning.
I can't and shouldn't have to carry with their heavy problems as well, I feel
so hopeless about this all. All I've ever wanted to do is to make my dream come true.
Escape. Run away as fast as I can.
I just wish someone understood, but am sure none of them do, just the idea of it
might sound confusing to them.
Please, if you can hear me or see this, please just help me out, you know I
how torn up and twisted this makes me.'

I wrote this two years ago when I was desperate to make my dream come true...Now two years later this describes exactly what I'm feeling, although my dream came true, I realised keeping the dream alive is even harder. 

Concepto Extraviado

Home?
What is that?
Where is it?

Falling

Have I really stumbled upon it again? Is this how it feels to let go into the unknown?
I feel like I am falling into an abysm but still with the hope of being caught by your safe arms, however,  the danger remains there -intact- for I am still falling and I have nothing but the light that is shone by my tiny hope. You and your soulful eyes, which tell me a thousand stories hundreds of years older than you are, that's what has got me falling with no regrets. I am finally ready to let go and feel with no fear and still, the thought of that notion terrifies me. I am yours to keep...please keep me safe.

Panic

Have you ever hated a part of you? You try to cover it up with all your qualities but once in a blue moon along comes someone who can decipher what it is that everyone else can't see in you and you panic. You know it's there. How can you change it?

Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please


Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

Rest in Peace Tia, I'll miss you.

Breathing

Almost 4am and I'm still wide awake despite of my self promise of going to bed early today...Well, technically, I did go to bed early...sleep, not so much. It's been over a month since I started being invaded by my old friend 'insomnia', lovely eh? I can't say much right now except that I'm listening to 'Just Breathe' by Anna Nalick over and over, guess if I haven't gotten tired of the song in almost four years, I'm not gonna start now. 'No one can find the rewind button boys so cradle your head in your hands' that line rings rather true to me.

You Take My Troubles Away - Rachael Yamagata & Dan Wilson

Regrets

'Life is one' they say, you have to live it, don't think so much and go for things, but they also say 'think before you act so you don't regret your actions'...who to believe? what to believe? Well, when you're a teenager who's feeling, lost, confused and scared shitless you don't really want to think, you want to go for whatever it is that's waving a red flag in front of you...It's hard and it's scary, but you put your thoughts on hold and act upon your feelings and when you're older you look back and can either think 'how could I be so stupid?' OR 'Man, those times were fun'.

It all depends on how you look at it, doesn't it? It's a funny world. I know regretting is as good as worrying- useless, but it's just one of those things one can't help...you can't just un-regret something, which is why I think we all live our lives hoping one day the regrets won't torment us so much and so intensely, maybe one day.